I read this article in the Sunday NYT -- it was in the Style section, which I thought was odd, but whatever. It's about how young girls (and some guys) post videos of themselves on YouTube, asking anyone who stumbles across their post whether they are pretty or ugly.
What kills me is that these young people expose themselves to everything that is mean and ugly in the comment section. I did look at YouTube to see how many videos came up when I typed "am I pretty or ugly" in the search box, and the list is long indeed. I didn't open any of them. I can't bear it.
Why do you suppose the anonymity of the internet brings out the most vicious, mean, cold-hearted part of us? That the girls are insecure is a given...that is certainly not uncommon among pre-teen and adolescent girls. I do not want to criticize the girls' bad judgement for posting such a thing because that seems obvious. What is more disturbing to me is that adults (I presume at least some of the people who write these comments are adults) write these awful things, like "you should kill yourself" in the comments. Only one in a thousand people would say that to a stranger's face -- fewer still would say such a thing to a child. Take away the poster's anonymity and they just would not go there.
I mean, would people even HAVE THE THOUGHT if the video didn't ask? It's like the comment section is a performance space, and people are competing to see who can be the most outrageous and cruel.
This is horrible. First off, those girls who are posting the videos must be very brave or extremely misguided because I would never be able to open myself up to judgement like that. We're probably at the point in our lives when we're the most insecure already, but why would you allow the world to start tearing you down before you've even had the chance to gain your self-confidence? Also, the people who are responding to those videos should know better. They've all probably gone or are still going through that insecure phase, so they should know that it hurts, and the things they're saying are affecting her even more than they normally would. They should acknowledge that it took a lot for this girl to put herself out there, and if they don't want to compliment her, educate her. Tell her that she doesn't need to listen to other people's opinions because they don't matter, and she doesn't need to face the cruelty of the world yet. Lastly, think of the way this must affect those girls. You're being told to go kill yourself, and while the person who posted that comment might have thought it was funny, there is always a chance that one of these girls might listen. They obviously turned to random people over the internet for help, so they may not have other people to talk to, or they feel like they can't talk to them. I bet you if the people who posted those comments saw the girls' reactions to their comments, they'd think twice before posting something like that again. This is wrong, and while both the girls and the people commenting are at fault, I think the people commenting are the ones who are really doing the bad thing here. These girls shouldn't have to face the cruelty of the world just yet, and I hope they realize that these jerks' opinions aren't true, and they're just made to bring them down.
ReplyDeleteFor starters, the main reason that many of these girls and boys post such things is because they lack sufficient attention from the people they love, whether it be from family, friends, or their partner. I actually think these people would be having these thoughts if the video didnt ask it. Take for example many famous YouTubers who post videos that have nothing to do with their appearnace but still recieve negative feedback from viewers. The fact that the video itself asks such a question just encourages these people to openly insult without holding back. To be honest, i still believe people would post such cruel coments even if it weren't anonymous. Maybe the number of people who comment would be less, but the number would still be quite large. Unfortunately we as people cant help but criticize what we dont like. Its a sad but true fact of life.
ReplyDeleteI would have to disagree with you a bit there Maria. Although we don't know the actual stories behind each girl, I believe that it's not the lack of attention from their loved ones but the need for more attention from people other than their loved ones. That is the big stage in adolescent life: insecurity. The media exposes adolescents' to, like it's said in the article, "hot or not" subjects and they take that into a big consideration. They start to reconsider everything about their appearance. And as much as their parents tell them how beautiful they are, sometimes it's not enough.
DeleteNow, I do agree with your opinion about the comments. People are cruel, and unfortunately, a lot do not care. Yes, she was asking for their opinion, so it was given that some rude comments would be said, but even if their opinion wasn't asked, our society has the thick heads and eager fingers to type away a nasty, irrelevant comment because, as you said, we as people can't help but criticize what we don't like. Indeed, sad... but true.
I agree with both you and Destiny; both are sufficient reasons. Lack of attention from loved ones may cause girls to find other ways in which they may receive it. They may act a certain way than they usually do in order to receive recognition. Insecurity can also be a key factor, however it is not also limited to adolescents. If they are not content with themselves, or even not caught up with the latest fads, that is when they start valuing others' opinions. Insecurity and lack of attention from loved ones can both be reasons as to why young girls would post YouTube videos as such.
DeleteThis really is saddening. I remember coming across an "Am I Ugly" video. Yes there were positive comments, but there were also some mean, nasty remarks.
That's exactly how it is. What I've noticed in my freshman year, a year when online attacks were especially apparent at Mayfair, is that the trend today is to express ourselves and be free in our skin. While there's so much fighting to tell young girls, or anyone really, that they're beautiful, there's no teaching us to tell each other so. So just we are becoming comfortable with ourselves, the boys (as much as I hate to say it, yes, mostly boys) are searching for something to prevent them from feeling like they have to tell everyone they're beautiful or for something to just joke about. I noticed these people are mindlessly searching for young girls to criticize and make fun of, not by themselves or for themselves, but for their friends entertainment. Yeah, girls do it do, but usually and very truthfully it's because they just desire a boys' attention, or to be able to make them laugh, and that's been admitted to me way more times than once. Last year I was talking to one of my friends after school who was scrolling down a facebook page where people posted their selfies for some sort of attention. He was commenting harsh and incredibly rude comments one after the other without even glancing at the pictures. I asked him why he was doing it, what it did for him, and I pointed out that half the girls he scrolled past were some of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. He replied with "I don't have to look. I just comment."
ReplyDeleteI've also noticed that's it's become 'dumb' to be sensitive. Recently I stumbled upon a tweet that wrote "Why do people get so sensitive about cyber bullying? It's not that hard to ignore it. Just look away." Doesn't that say something?
I read a Time Magazine article at the doctor today that talked about a boy who killed himself over the anonymous and cruel questions left on his ask.fm. Rosalind Wiseman mentions in her Dec. 2, 2013 Time feature "What Boys Want" that technology and media "creates a culture among kids that slander, backstabbing and libel are normal parts of humanization. It normalizes the dehumanization of others." This summarizes us what we're doing exactly, and needless to say it should be fixed.
But not everyone is this way, especially not all boys, and hopefully we can recognize it and confront it.
I completely agree. This kind of behavior needs to be confronted. It drives me crazy when people imply that being human and feeling pain when someone is mean is somehow weak. Likewise, when someone objects to racist or sexist or insensitive language, they are likely to be criticized for being too sensitive or "politically correct," which is an important concept but has somehow come to mean "crybaby weirdo."
DeleteLanguage is powerful, and we have to take responsibility for what we say. Words do have meaning; words are powerful. To pretend otherwise is disingenuous, intellectually cowardly, and lazy.
Personally, I do not understand where these girls are coming from, simply because I don't feel I need a strangers opinion when it comes to my self confidence. The sad part is, many female teenagers today DO feel the need for someone who does not even know them, to tell them they are "hot". For example, there are many apps that involve people uploading pictures of themselves, for other people to rate based on a "hot or not" scale. This whole idea just seems crazy and pointless to me. Growing up, I've always been a fan of the "old fashioned way". A guy coming to your house to ask your father's permission to date you, or simply having a guy open a car door for you. But I've learned that those ways aren't the ways of males in today's world. (Doesn't mean a girl can't dream, right?) I blame this on technology, and the way it has shaped our brains into believing that stuff like this truly matters, when really, it should be the least of our worries. We've stopped caring about what we think of ourselves, and starting caring too much about what other people think of us. To have a guy who does not know the real me call me "hot" is honestly just an insult. It really saddens me that some girls enjoy things like this.
ReplyDeleteI believe that society is blame here. The media has offered their opinion on how the perfect boy or girl should look and act. The kids that post these videos are just trying to measure up to what society tells them they should be. I think the kids are trying to please others rather than make themselves happy. They ask the question, "am I pretty or ugly?" to see if others are satisfied by their appearance as if that even matters. Now some people do leave really uplifting comments and I do give them props for being such kind humans, but the majority of people do not. For someone to tell another human being to kill themselves is just sick. That one comment can push someone to actually end their life. I see that as indirectly killing someone. It is just extremely sad to see this and know that there is no way to really stop it.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Alex that society is to blame. As a teenage girl, I feel insecure from time to time, especially when I see girls that are taller, or have pretty hair, or a great body. I'm not one to care much about my physical appearance, but it’s hard to not ask myself "Why can't I be pretty like that?" As shallow as that seems, every girl thinks that, and it's a given that they would because our society sets this high standard of what "pretty" should be. We look up to famous people who have their hair and makeup done professionally and dress in the latest fashion, but what we don't see is how they look at home without makeup or fancy clothes. Our society worships these celebrities, and average-looking girls are left to wonder if they're looks are good enough to not get made fun of or something. The saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is something that all parents should teach their kids about because it’s true. And whatever happened with "it's what inside that counts"? Seriously, instead of teaching kids how to judge people by their looks, society as a whole should teach everyone how to be compassionate, understanding, and accepting. Kids wouldn't settle for posting videos on YouTube, Instagram, or any other social media to ask whether or not they look good if society wouldn't judge them for it, and less people would say rude things if they were taught to be compassionate. Families should also learn how to make their kids feel like they belong and are loved, and that what they have is enough. Even the first chapter of Amusing Ourselves to Death talked about the way physical appearance has become one of the defining factors in television or even politics. It’s no longer about how well one can do the job, it’s now also about whether others would enjoy how they look. Anyway, it’s a sad world in which we live today. Girls ask if their pretty on social media, people comment for her to “kill herself”; a super qualified person applies for a job, but loses it to the one with a pretty face despite lack of skill. It’s a superficial world, really, and I feel bad for the future generations because it’ll only get worse from the looks of it.
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